Well as usual..sign up for something..back/pain screws me up

I did not manage to sleep until 9AM yesterday my time. Total time awake, just over 4 days. I woke up at 3PM yesterday afternoon, in a bit less pain but still hurting pretty badly. I managed to stay awake all day today, which should help me return to a normal sleeping schedule in less than the week it usually takes.

I don't understand this. I hurt like hell, it keeps me awake and next thing I know I am stuck in a cycle that can last for 3 to 6 days or more before I can finally sleep. Though if I sit in my bed and read I fall asleep and end up face planting into whatever book I am reading. Within a few minutes I wake up and as far as I can tell, I did not sleep at all. I don't understand it!!!! Then after all that, I spend hours laying in the dark trying to sleep and just can't do it. This usually is accompanied by my left leg twitching, shooting pains down my leg, and massive pain just holding me prisoner and that is exactly how I feel. A Prisoner! Held against my will by an enemy I can't see or fight because it is my own body,. Somewhere along the lines my body decided to betray me, to fall apart and torture me for hours on end with no real relief. Do I take medication? yes I do. Does it control the pain as well as pain management doctors say it should? NO it doesn't. Which really sucks.

Ok I'm rambling and not making much sense.

My neice chose to cuddle with me for over 30 minutes today. She just snuggled right in beside me while I was sitting in my la-z-boy recliner. Ohman that felt so good! To hold a little wiggly one again, it just melts my heart and breaks it at the same time. Having a little one love me as much as Bridgette does me just feels so marvelous, but knowing that my pain prevents me from doing everything I want to do for her just rips me apart.

Oh well..maybe I'll be in a better mood tomorrow. I am tired from forcing myself to stay awake all day in the hopes I will sleep tonight. The way I feel right now, I should succeed.