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Friday, November 6, 2009

Well as usual..sign up for something..back/pain screws me up

I did not manage to sleep until 9AM yesterday my time. Total time awake, just over 4 days. I woke up at 3PM yesterday afternoon, in a bit less pain but still hurting pretty badly. I managed to stay awake all day today, which should help me return to a normal sleeping schedule in less than the week it usually takes.

I don't understand this. I hurt like hell, it keeps me awake and next thing I know I am stuck in a cycle that can last for 3 to 6 days or more before I can finally sleep. Though if I sit in my bed and read I fall asleep and end up face planting into whatever book I am reading. Within a few minutes I wake up and as far as I can tell, I did not sleep at all. I don't understand it!!!! Then after all that, I spend hours laying in the dark trying to sleep and just can't do it. This usually is accompanied by my left leg twitching, shooting pains down my leg, and massive pain just holding me prisoner and that is exactly how I feel. A Prisoner! Held against my will by an enemy I can't see or fight because it is my own body,. Somewhere along the lines my body decided to betray me, to fall apart and torture me for hours on end with no real relief. Do I take medication? yes I do. Does it control the pain as well as pain management doctors say it should? NO it doesn't. Which really sucks.

Ok I'm rambling and not making much sense.

My neice chose to cuddle with me for over 30 minutes today. She just snuggled right in beside me while I was sitting in my la-z-boy recliner. Ohman that felt so good! To hold a little wiggly one again, it just melts my heart and breaks it at the same time. Having a little one love me as much as Bridgette does me just feels so marvelous, but knowing that my pain prevents me from doing everything I want to do for her just rips me apart.

Oh well..maybe I'll be in a better mood tomorrow. I am tired from forcing myself to stay awake all day in the hopes I will sleep tonight. The way I feel right now, I should succeed.

1 comment:

  1. Hello Raven/Missy - Thanks for visiting my blog & leaving a comment in October. So sorry to read that you are in SO much pain & that you cannot sleep :-( I know exactly how you feel as I have spent many a night in bed lying awake, listening to my husband snoring, wondering why I can't do the same?!
    I am also so sorry that spinal fusion surgery has not worked for you :-( Can I ask - Do you know why the surgery has failed?
    I've never thought of what happens next should my fusion fail!
    As you know from my blog I had a multiple level fusion with 5 artificial bone grafts inserted to stabilise my spine in April...Major surgery!
    Its now November & so far I'm healing well :-) Still get very stiff, a wee bit sore/nippy, & my wound gets very tight espec now the weather here in Scotland has turned colder! (Think I'm going to need to buy a vest to keep me cosy)
    Its not easy living with pain & only those who have experienced it can understand?!
    My blog is a bit neglected just now mainly cos I got fed up writing it & anything I did have to say was about my current condition...People unless they are friends don't want to read moans & groans!
    Please get back in touch though as I still check my comments regularly...Just takes me long enough to reply! ;-)
    Take Care - Mar x


Thank you for taking the time to read and/or comment on my blog. For people who are chronically ill and/or in constant pain, it can be difficult to socialize as frequently as we would like to do so. Talking with others online is a way for us to socialize, chat with others, make new friends, reach out to others in similar circumstances and many more positive effects.

Knowing that someone has read my posts and commented on it, helps in many ways. The biggest two being that it helps ease the feeling of being "alone" and that no one could possibly understand. Secondly, it reminds us that others truly do care and that just feels wonderful!!

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and/or comment on my blog, it really does mean a great deal to me and is helpful too!