Day In The Life...

I live in Florida and we just had a hurricane go through, Irma. Luckily I am in the panhandle so all we got was a tropical storm in our area. Some wind, some rain, and a dent in the van where a branch fell on it from the tree. Weather definitely effects chronic pain conditions and I am no exception to that. For the last couple days I have had lots of muscle spams, sciatica, tingling/numbness, shooting pain, and a higher pain level over all. A bad few days so far.

Since this is Chronic Pain Awareness Month (September) I thought this would be a good day to do one of those "Day in the life..." type posts. I think it will be a good idea to give people information on what it is truly like to have a bad day with a chronic pain condition. This is how it effects me, but I figure it will at least give people a rough idea of how it might be effecting someone in their lives and hopefully it will promote understanding.

So lets start with over night, sleeping. (Sleep? What's that?!? LOL) Due to the increased pain and severe muscle spasms I was not able to try to sleep until 2AM. I had a hard time getting comfortable enough to try and fall asleep because when I shifted position the muscles in my back (just under my shoulder blades all the way down to mid thigh on both legs) tightened up and started to spasm. This causes extremely sharp and intense bolts and waves of pain to shoot through the entire area. When it first starts it is extremely intense and takes my breath away. I then have to mentally remind myself to breathe, slowly and calmly. Somewhere around 3AM or so I dozed off. I woke up a few times due to pain and spasms but managed to go back to sleep until 4:30AM. I've been awake since then (it is now 9AM). I have been alternating between applying heat and ice to the affected areas (alternating; 20 minutes on/20 minutes off/switch to the other/repeat). Neither helps tremendously but when it is like this I'll take what I can get. I am having to shift position every 3 to 5 minutes (instead of my normal 8 to 10 minutes) to try and stave off another episode of spasming. This is not very effective since I still get the spasms and sciatica, it just isn't as intense. I am currently sitting at an 8 on the pain scale of 0 to 10. I took my morning medications at 7AM. Right now I am watching vlogs on youtube.

To get breakfast I had to think of something to eat that would require minimal movement and preparation as standing and walking are very painful for me. With the sciatica going on it is also dangerous as my legs can give out without warning and falling to the floor is not a good thing. I decided to make toast because it required the least amount of standing, bending, and reaching for things.

It is now 11AM and I am still in bed shifting position and alternating heat and ice every 20 minutes. I've also done some very gentle stretching to ease muscle stiffness. I am having to shift between sitting and laying down every 5 to 10 minutes. I can go 10 minutes laying on my right side, but only 5 minutes sitting up. Every 5 minutes sitting up I have to shift around and change which way I am leaning (left, right, forward, back against pillows). My left side is the worst and I can't lay on it at all. This is very annoying shifting around all the time. I'm still at a level 8 on the pain scale but am grateful that it is not getting stronger and am hoping it stays this way (I don't think it will as I have to pick my husband up from work this afternoon). I keep thinking of my mother telling me, as a child, when I was restless "Do you have ants in your pants?" and it makes me giggle.

It is now 6PM. I slept from 11:30AM or so until 2:15PM. Was a restless sleep and I woke up a few times with the muscle spasms. Back to alternating heat and ice. At 4:30 or so I went and picked my husband up from work, which hurt a lot, but it felt nice to get out of the house and into the sunshine. Came home and ate dinner which my daughter had cooked. Now, while alternating heat and ice I am going to do a stitching hangout to chat with friends and stitch for distraction. Sometimes it helps distract from the pain but even if that doesn't happen, it always lifts my mood to be chatting with friends.

It is now 9:47PM and just got off the stitching hangout. Made good progress on my project which can be seen on my stitching blog. I continued to alternate heat and ice during the hangout, shifting positions as needed as well as getting up to walk around and stretch my muscles out. My pain has been pretty steady at an 8 all day, but I am grateful that it didn't go higher or hit a pain crisis (level 10). I really didn't want to be curled up in bed and crying from the pain.

Now I will continue with the heat and ice while I watch some stuff on Youtube or Netflix/Hulu until I am sleepy, then I will try to sleep. I don't know how much sleep I will get but am hoping I get more than a couple hours. Lack of adequate sleep does not do good things for my pain, it also makes it harder to mentally deal with the pain.

That's pretty much my day today. My hope in sharing this is to help people understand what it is like during a bad day. As well as to show that being home a lot due to pain is not the fun, relaxing day off that people think it is.

Poems From Pain

I wrote three poems the other night, one after the other. They're written on the back of envelopes because when the need to write them hit, it was extremely urgent and didn't want to wait until I found my poetry journal. I used to write a lot, but lost the desire during an abusive relationship in which I was ridiculed, yelled at, and physically "punished" for writing. Since then writing has become very difficult for me.

I realize I have been gone for a very long time from my blogs and I am sorry for that. I finally have some idea as to what happened with me and as my thoughts settle down, I will eventually write and describe what happened. I am sure I am not the only chronic pain patient who has reacted the way I did, specially those who have dealt with chronic pain for many many years.

Anyway, here are the three poems I wrote the night before last. These poems are copyrighted to me and can not be reprinted, re-posted, downloaded, or used in any manner by anyone else, without my consent.


The Bottomless Pit
© M. Hull Jan. 2, 2013

Lost in the depths of darkness
The bowels of despair
This bottomless pit...
How did I get here?

Stuck,at the bottom of a deep well
Looking up for any sign of light
  none to be seen

How did I get here?

                                                                                               
Praying, wishing, hoping to be saved
   prayers... unanswered
   wishes ...a fool's errand
   Hope...fades to nothing
   nothing left here
   a barren heart
   desiccated soul

As day after day..
   week after week
   month after month
   year after year
pain tears at my soul
    ripping it to shreds
   devours my heart
   destroys what little is left of me

still I wonder..
How did I get here?

I fought for years beyond counting
holding tight to hope
   ...all for nothing

Now here I sit, deep in this pit
   this pit of despair
   with pain my only company

How did I get here?

easy...
I got here through hours, days, weeks, months...years
   unending pain
   increasing disability
It took all I held dear away from me
all abilities...gone

until all that was left...

Is this pit of despair

END


Darkness of Despair
M. Hull © Jan. 2, 2013

I am lost
   blind
   deaf
   dumb
here in the dark

Pain is all I feel

Pain I fought for years
The fight in me is no more

                                                                                   
why bother?
  I can not win
   The pain always overwhelms me
   the dark always surrounds me
   until I am drowning
   the fight washed away


Blind
Deaf
Dumb

Nothing to see or hear
my cries for help go nowhere
   for there is no help, no succor, no healing
   this pain will never end

stuck forever... lost forever
drowning in the tears of pain
deep within the the darkness of despair
END


Grip Of Apathy
M. Hull © 2013

Cold fingers of apathy
reach out and grab me
pulling me down
   into the abyss

No struggle can beat this
no strength can break it's grip
try as hard as I can
..it always fails

falling
   falling
       falling

down
   down
       down
into the deepest darkest pit of despair

                                                                           
swallowed whole

Now I live there.

END


Basically what happened is pretty simple, and so dang common for those who live with constant pain or illness. With the Cymbalta came slightly lowered pain levels. This allowed me to begin to get an actual life back. A life where I could go to the store, go visit friends, go swimming, even go away for a weekend with my DH and have a blast. I was able to cook a few nights a week, do some cleaning every day. Pain crisises became rare as the medication removed the intensity, th sharpness of my pain. Yes I still hurt, but it wasn't as sharp or intense as without the Cymbalta. I got used to this , loved it and threw myself into it with great relief and happiness.

Then came a medication screw up thanks to insurance. So I had to go 2 weeks wihtout Cymbalta. As a result my blood level dropped and my pain went back to its usual 8-10 every day, with the same old sharpness and intensity (butcher knives stabbing the joints instead of a fist in a boxing glove..sharp pain instead of dull) and I ended up back in bed. It took 6 weeks to get the Cymbalta back up to proper blood level. But even then it was too late, I had lost my "new life" even though it was still at the beginning. This hurt soooooo much, to get some back and to lose it again.

I gave up. I no longer wanted to fight back. I was tired of the emotional hurt that comes with losing the new friends you made, losing the ability to do things, losing the lower pain levels etc. etc. So I stopped trying.

It took me until yesterday to figure out what was going on, and it didn't start bothering me until a couple weeks ago. Prior to that I was perfectly happy to be stuck in apathy and doing nothing. It is safer.

That's pretty much it. Hopefully I can write more in depth about it.

Video Blogs on YouTube

Thanks to it being more difficult for me to sit up for long periods of time, I decided to start doing video blogs (Vlogs) on You Tube. I did a group of videos that basically give my history of chronic pain and how I got to where I am today. Since that story has already been told on this blog in the post 30 Years Of Chronic pain, I won't include that videos here. However, I will post other videos to the blog for people to watch if they want to.

I did one the other day about safety with medications. I also did a written post on this blog for the same topic, so I don't think I need to link that video. However, today I started a series of videos on judgements. Since people with chronic illness and / or chronic pain are judged in many different areas, I have chosen to do this topic as a series of videos. For the first one I chose the topic of how chronically ill people and people who suffer from chronic pain are judged for their diagnoses such as being told that illness doesn't exist, it's all in your head, you don't look sick and more. I hope the video is educational and of value to people who watch it.

I also made a request of viewers and I wish to make the same request of my blog readers also. So here is the video explaining my request.

Thank you everyone!

What NOT to say...

People who live with and suffer from chronic pain and chronic illnesses often hear different statements. Some are intended to be helpful and kind. Others are meant the opposite way, often it seems (to me anyway) that the people that makes such mean comments are almost trying to protect themselves from an illness or pain by distancing themselves from the sufferer they are speaking to.

Below are some videos about things NOT to say to someone who suffers from a chronic illness and/or chronic pain.


This first video is from a young woman in England. She suffers from a great deal of pain every day as a result of damage to her back. Through her YouTube videos I have gotten to know her a little bit and she is a truly warm and wonderful person. Sara, without even knowing it, helped me a great deal in the past 6 months. I have watched and re-watched her videos, especially the ones where she was still a student in college (University). She is a pharmacist, which is what I had been ready to start college for if my back hadn't blown out a month before school started. Her determination to make it through school and still do her best was very inspiring to me. Being someone who lives with extreme low back and pelvic pain I can totally relate to how much pain she was living with, struggling with, and barely making it through each day with. But SHE DID IT! She graduated! I am so very proud of her for doing that because I know how hard that had to be. Anyway here is a video she posted titled "Things to think twice about before saying out loud to someone with chronic illness" 

This second video is by a young lady who suffers from Interstitial Cystitis (IC). This is an extremely painful disease that affects a large number of people, though most (doctors included) have no clue it even exists, or they have very faulty information. Ir causes severe abdominal pain (much of which is centered around the bladder), severe pain with intercourse, frequent urination, and frequent strong urges to need to go to the bathroom. There are other symptoms as well, but the biggest one is PAIN. Lucky for Amy she had a stimulator placed which has helped her a great deal. She has been able to return to college and is hoping to become a Urologist. 

Please, when you are talking to someone who has a chronic illness and/or chronic pain, please think twice about what you will say. Take a moment to put yourself in their shoes and then say things that will be supportive and helpful rather than dismissive, hurtful, and judgemental. None of us ASKED to be sick or in pain, yet here we are and just doing the best we can day by day.

Taking Stock In Attempt To Change

For the last 18 months, and probably longer, my pain has been in control of my life not the other way around. When my pain got worse a few years ago I adapted and still managed to function. When it got worse in April 2011, I could not figure out ways to adapt as nothing seemed to work. As time went on, depression increased, mobility decreased and pain took control. My old methods for dealing with and living despite my pain are no longer effective with this new level of pain and symptoms (no standing/walking more than 5 minutes). So I decided to try and get some help. I can't locate a behavioral therapist who deals with chronic pain in my area, so I ordered some books.

I am currently working through "The Chronic Pain Care Workbook" by Michael J. Lewandowski, PH.D. I already knew that my coping mechanisms are not good and in the case that I've been using dissociation to deal with my pain, they have degenerated into very unhealthy mechanisms. I bought the books back in early February I believe. Since then I've read a few pages in each one (I bought 4), then did what has always worked for me. I allowed my mind to analyze and think about the ideas these books represented.

It is very hard for me to admit that my actions and thoughts are contributing to my pain. It is difficult to admit that I lost some of my ability to manage my pain effectively a while ago, and lost the rest of it in the last 18 months or so. It is hard to admit that I gave up. I wanted so much to believe that I was doing everything I could. That I was trying to function with the pain, but the truth is I gave up. The pain got so much worse, with new symptoms and the inability to stand for more than 5 minutes, no real help from my doctor, and I gave up. Now I am sitting here crying because this is the first time that I have faced head on and admitted clearly that I gave up. Instead of saying something like "yeah I've given in BUT <insert any but here>", the truth is I was kidding myself, there has been no actual "but" for a long time. I do occasionally fight back and try to do things like some laundry or housework or cooking, which increase my pain and when that happens, I give up again for a while before trying again. But those attempts are few and far between.

Why am I sharing something that to me is emotionally painful, humiliating, terrifying, and so intensely personal? I'm not really sure what all my reasons are, but the one that comes to mind immediately upon asking myself that question is that I want others who may be in my position to see they are not alone. In addition I am hoping that by sharing the truth about my own mental, emotional, and physical ability to fight/live with my pain, that those who are in the same boat as me, can see that there is still hope. I have reached a point where I am sick of this. I want my life back. The only way to achieve that is to work at it and learn new ways of coping, since obviously my old ways aren't working. Sitting around waiting for something outside of myself to give me back my life obviously doesn't work. So I guess it's time to get off my ass again.

In the book I mentioned above there are lots of exercises. These are designed to help you see where you are now in dealing with your pain. What is working well, what is not working at all, and what could use some improvement to work better. The beginning of the book, like any other self-help book or even therapy with a therapist, starts out with taking stock of where you are right now. Identifying what works, what doesn't etc. Also identifying your readiness to change, your motivations. I understand all of this having gone through it before with and without a therapist when I was dealing with healing after abuse. I've done these things in conjunction with a therapist in order to help my daughter heal from abuse. Many of these first steps are the same.

What surprised me was the fear reaction. Having the fear of facing old abuses in your past, acknowledging the damage it has done and the negative effects it has on your present all made sense to me. Who wants to face such painful memories, accept them, work through them and all that. The fear made sense.

But now, accepting this fear of dealing with my own pain means accepting that I have failed. For some reason I am finding it much harder to accept that I am afraid of trying anything. My biggest fear is increased pain and decreased mobility, followed by fear of failure. For some reason this isn't making sense to me. I keep asking myself "Why am I afraid of my own pain?, heck I've lived with it for 30 years (varying over that time from mild, to bad to worse to now [horrible]). I know I will live with pain the rest of my life. Why am I afraid? Is it really that simple as fear of change?". It isn't making sense to me why I am so scared.

And with so very little for me to look at as things I can do well (in the sense of a job or productive activities), the idea of having failed in dealing with my chronic pain in my daily life is terrifying and painful. I am feeling very vulnerable and very sacred to look at all these things, to see exactly where I have failed. What if admitting all this makes people around me decide I'm no good? What if it makes me decide I'm no good (seeing myself as no good is worse to me than others having that opinion)? What if I fail at trying to change? Heck since I've already failed, what are the chances I can succeed now? I've tried to fight over the past 18 months, but failed time and time again.

But I don't have a choice, I have to try. So I will take my anger and fear and try to harness it as a motivation to get the changes I want. To get my life back.

One of the exercises was to draw a pie chart that represents how I view the way my pain problems affect my life. Included are the pain issues themselves, then social issues and psychological issues. Here is a picture of the pie chart I drew. It clearly shows that the pain issues have overtaken everything else in my own mind; I have allowed the pain issues to overshadow everything, to take over. This ticked me off and scared me and I want to change it. So here's hoping I can do that. I will try simply because I want a life, my life, back.

The book then goes over the Stages Of Change and I am in the "Open to thinking about change, but...". I know Doc's can't fix me. I know that I will have pain for the rest of my life. I know that what I've been doing isn't working. I know my fear of trying to change and failing, isn't going to help. I want to change this pie chart, I want my life back. So now comes working through the fear and getting rid of it so I can take the steps necessary to manage my pain better.

Knowing how I tend to work, when it comes to having to fix things mentally/emotionally/behaviorally, I will probably revisit these topics a few times. Hopefully on this blog so my journey can help others, but it is possible that not all of it will show up here, depending on how personal it is or if the thoughts etc affect someone else, not just me. So most likely I will have to revisit this topic of my fears until I understand them well enough that I can counteract them with more reality based thinking.

Here's hoping that I can get my life back.

Weekend Away!

A friend of mine, whom I have known for just under 15 years, has a time-share condominium in Florida. It is in the next city over from mine. He invites my DH and I to come spend the weekend with him. Some years he couldn't make it but sent a letter to the company allowing DH and I to use the condo in his absence. It is a beach front condo and the sound of the ocean is just so soothing!

It may not be very far from my home, but just getting out of my own house for a short while is nice. He was in town this past weekend (16 Dec thru 19 Dec). Ron and I were able to go for the weekend this year. We arrived Friday afternoon and came home Sunday afternoon. It was just wonderful!

The condo has a whirlpool tub in it and I got to soak in it many times. It is amazing how much help those tubs are! The moving water gently massages my muscles, which helps them relax better than a heating pad does. It really helped a lot.

The only drawback was they no longer allow smoking on the balconies. Instead they created designated smoking areas on the ground floor, outside of the buildings at maximum distance from the elevator. So every time Ron or I wanted a cigarette we had to walk to the smoking area. When it got cold we went and sat in our car to smoke. This was more exercise than I was used to and as a result I ended up in a great deal of pain. Oh but it was worth it! It was positively wonderful to spend the weekend with Jay (our friend).

We talked and laughed a lot. Just enjoying each others' company. Instead of going out to a restaurant for dinner, Ron cooked a steak dinner in the condo. It was positively delicious! On Sunday morning we stood on the balcony and just watched the ocean (Gulf Of Mexico). It was so smooth, no waves at all. It is not often that this happens, usually there are waves in the Gulf. So I took a picture with my cell phone, as I forgot the camera at home. Perfectly still, gorgeous shades of blue, and we could even see fish swimming by! The fish don't show in the picture, but you can see how still the water is.

Since we got home I've been in bed with a lot of pain, but despite the pain I am trying to keep up the exercise. This weekend showed me just how bad my muscles are and I know this is not a good thing. I need to build my muscles back up. With stronger muscles, my spine and pelvis will get more support and in theory this should lower some of my pain. However, doing the exercises hurts like hell and I am afraid of that pain, which is why I haven't exercised much beyond some gentle stretching. I don't think I have much choice now, so I've started walking to the end of my street and back home. So far I haven't made it past 3 houses down before having to go back home. I also have to sit down 2 or 3 times on this walk, but that's ok. When I can do this easily, I will lengthen the walk.

Having that short break has done a lot for my mood and I had a great time! I got the 3rd Reindeer done and started the 4th (stitching), but mostly I just relaxed and got to laugh a lot.

Thank you so much Jay for sharing the weekend with us, it was wonderful!

Killing Myself

Ohman I am in so much pain right now and I don't see an end in sight.

I spent yesterday, a couple hours anyway, packing up the remainders after an estate sale. said remainders were donated to my yard sale. The yard sale is to benefit my son's best friend Matt who was badly burned (http://hopeformatt.blogspot.com) in the hopes of raising money to help with the medical bills which currently stand at $80,000 and this is just the beginning.

We had a bunch of stuff that was donated earlier sitting in our den. We had to sort it and repack it in boxes that would close. This took us 4 hours to do. Box of  Christmas stuff, craft stuff, clothes, shoes, toys etc. We have loads of stuff for the yard sale, I just hope it all sells (or at least most of it).

Tomorrow I have to hopefully finish packing the estate sale house up. I don't know where I'm going to get the strength to do it. Today was supposed to be a rest day in preparation for tomorrow. With a broken pelvis, nerve damage, and a bad lower back I have to be careful and space out doing things like this. Instead DH wanted to sort the stuff in the den. I realize he didn't think it would be so much work, but I knew it would be. I don't blame him, nor am I upset with him because I knew it needed to be done. I also knew that doing this would hurt me quite a bit. But now I am worried that I won't be able to finish packing up that house tomorrow  and after how nasty the lady was about it yesterday, I want to get it all done tomorrow and not have to come back again.

I'm stuck in bed and probably will be most of the week after finishing tomorrow, if I can. 

Letters to Back and Pelvis & A Social Life?!?! Me?!?! WOW

On Tuesday I put a letter written to my back and pelvis on my Facebook status. My daughter, smart alec that she is, responded and we went back and forth. She had me laughing for over 20 minutes with her posts. I thought I would share it here so others could laugh also.

I astericked the names for privacy reasons but Mi*** is me and S*** C**** is my daughter. I still have no idea what "I have a boat" has to do with anything *shrug*

Anyway, enjoy the laughs!

Mi****** H******

Dear Back and Pelvis,
I realize that it is raining and neither of you like the rain much, but please (pretty please with sugar on top) don't let the pain go higher than a 5 so I can DM tonight. Thank you!

Love,
Missy

Tuesday at 11:19am ·  · 

• 
  
• • 
    

    S****** C**** 
    

    Dear Mi****** H****l,
    
    
    I am sorry you are in a lot of pain and but I'm afraid I cannot just "stop" raining when any one mortal feels like. If you have a complaint, please feel free to take it up with the complaint department at 867-5309.
    
    
    Thank you for contacting us on this matter and we hope to hear from you with any other concerns!
    
    Yours truly,
    Back and Pelvis

    
    

    Tuesday at 11:23am · 
  • Mi****** H******
    

    
    

    Dear Back and Pelvis,
    
    
    Yes I realize you can not make it stop raining and that is not what I was requesting. However, it is well within your abilities to stop hurting and that is what I was requesting.
    Thank you for taking the time to respond to my request and I would greatly appreciate it if you would seriously consider this new (clarified) request.
    
    Love
    Missy
    PS: I have the exercise CD and I'm not afraid to use it! Just saying!

    
    

    Tuesday at 11:26am · 
  • 
    

    
    

    S****** C**** 
    

    Dear Mi****** H****l,

    
    
    
    I understand your dilemma and I apologize for the inconvenience the pain has caused but please find the reasons below as to why your request has been denied:
    
    
    1) NYEAH NYEAH!!
    2) Life sucks, get over it
    3) I'm on a boat!
    4) Your luck has run out, sunny jim!
    
    Thank you again for contacting the department and we hope you will continue to be a beloved customer.
    
    Yours truly,
    Back and Pelvis
    P.S. Any more threats will be directed to the nearest mental health facility as what you are implying is a type of self-mutilation.

    
    

    Tuesday at 11:30am · 
  • Mi****** H******
    

    
    

    Dear Back and Pelvis,
    
    
    I do not understand why you are full of such vitriol towards me as I have never done anything to you. Now here are some reasons why you should do as I request:
    
    
    1: I am in charge
    2: Calcium and Protein come from what I eat
    3: I have extra luck (luck +inifinty gem)
    4: I put a hole in your boat last month
    5: See #1
    
    Missy
    
    PS: The local mental health facilities will laugh in your face as exercise is considered healthy, not self abusive.

    
    

    Tuesday at 11:37am · 
  • 
    

    
    

    S****** C**** 
    

    Dear Mi****** H****l,

    
    
    
    I'll sick Matthew on you.
    
    
    Sincerely,
    Back and Pelvis

    
    

    Tuesday at 11:41am · 
  • Mi****** H******
    

    
    

    Dear Back and Pelvis,
    
    
    And then he will find out what it is like to pick on someone who is meaner and nastier than he can dream of being. I am Sam's mother afterall.
    
    
    sincerely,
    missy

    
    

    Tuesday at 11:43am · 
  • 
    

    S****** C**** 
    

    Dear Mi****** H****l,

    
    
    Touche, miseur pussycat! (And I'm not French, kiss my ass, LITERALLY! MWuahahahahaha)
    
    Back and Pelvis
    

    Tuesday at 11:44am · 
  • Mi****** H******
    

     Dear Back and Pelvis,
    
    If I start getting that particular area of anatomy kissed you both complain loudly, so don't ask for what you can't handle!
    
    Missy
    

    Tuesday at 11:47am · 
  • S****** C**** 
    

    Dear Mi****** H****l,

    
    

    
    

    ,
    
    
    Oh yeah? Well...well...um...
    
    
    ...
    
    Yeah I got nothin
    
    Back and Pelvis

    
    

    Tuesday at 11:49am · 
  • Mi****** H******
    

    
    

    Dear Back and Pelvis,
    
    
    I win. Now LOWER THE DANG PAIN already!!
    
    
    Missy
    PS: Thank you for the lively reparte, I enjoyed it!

    
    

    Tuesday at 11:50am · 
  • S****** C**** 
    

    Dear Mi****** H****l,

    
    

    
    

    
    
    
    
    Yessah massah! :mumble grumble:
    
    
    Back and Pelvis
    P.S.: Glad my department could make you happy for once!

    
    

    Tuesday at 11:51am · 
  • Mi****** H******
    

    
    

    Dear Back and Pelvis,
    
    
    Thank you! I am sure the players will appreciate your cooperation in this matter as much as I do!
    
    
    Sincerely,
    Missy

    
    

    Tuesday at 12:01pm · 

The game went well Tuesday night until the broken joint decided to snap real strongly which hurt like hell. So, in the hopes of similar laughter, I wrote a follow up message to "Back and Pelvis", this time my friend B chose to respond. His replies also made me laugh so that was good.

M***** H******

Dear Back and Pelvis,

Thank you very much for controlling the pain enough for me to DM last night. I do appreciate it a great deal. However, I would have appreciated it more if Pelvis had not decided to snap the bones of my sacroiliac joint together very sharply. Could you please not do that in the future?

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Missy

Wednesday at 10:18am ·  · 

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    B***** C*****
    
    

    Dear M***** H******,
    
    
    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. Pelvis was actually late snapping the bones at the joint, count your blessings.
    
    
    Don't cross us.
    
    Sincerely,
    Back and Pelvis

    
    

    Wednesday at 10:28am · 
  • M***** H******
    

    
    

    Dear Back and Pelvis,
    
    
    So this was timed and deliberate sabotage of my social life? I see. Well then I think it is time to go see the orthopedic surgeon again to get that second plate and another 6 inch screw to stabilize Pelvis so he can't do that anymore.
    
    Sincerely,
    Missy
    
    

    
    

    Wednesday at 10:33am · 
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    B***** C****
    
    

    Dear M***** H******,
    
    
    No, this was what you get for crossing us yesterday. As to the plate, no, you wouldn't... You're bluffing, right? You can hardly stand the quarterly procedure to make us shut up for months at a time, and is an injustice that you shouldn't be able to stand for, let alone after. Please stop bluffing, we *know* you wouldn't really do that... right?
    
    So yeah, blow it out your ass. (We'll happily bitch about that too.)
    
    Sincerely,
    Back and Pelvis

    
    

    Wednesday at 10:42am · 
  • M***** H******
    

    
    
    

    Dear Punch and Judy (AKA Back and Pelvis)
    
    
    So this was payback for the exercise threat? I understand. No problem.
    ...
    ...
    ...
    
    No I am not kidding. I will more than happily see the surgeon and request the second plate and screw. I am calling the office for an appointment right after I post this letter.
    
    
    Missy
    
    
    

    
    

    Wednesday at 10:50am ·

Since I started playing D&D again I have rediscovered something I haven't really had in many years, a social life. It feels odd since I am used to not having much of a social life that requires me to go places or chat with people in real life.

Due to my disability I have a difficult time going places and being able to say for certain that I will be able to do something on a future date, so making friends hasn't exactly been easy for the past 10 years. Hence most of my social interaction has been through the computer. I have made many good friends through message boards, web sites, and blogs. I treasure those friendships a great deal.

Suddenly I have people texting me on my cell phone, which I only got in case my kids' needed to reach me while I was out running errands (this was before I further injured my back and lost the ability to walk long enough for grocery shopping or long errands), or if the schools needed to reach me. I don't usually carry my phone with me when I am at home, but I have been missing these messages when they come in and a couple were important at the time they were sent (but I didn't get them until the next day), so now I carry it with me around the house just in case.

I remember going out with friends to the movies or out to dinner. I remember hanging out at a friend's house or talking on the phone. I remember getting together with my friends either at my house or one of theirs to play D&D and have fun. But I had long ago adjusted to not having those things in my life anymore because I had moved to a different state and my back got much worse, severely curtailing my mobility. I am thoroughly enjoying playing D&D again, but even more, I am loving having a group of people to hang out with, laugh with, and just be friends with in real life.

So now I have a social life. I still find myself wondering "How did this happen?!?" and thinking "WOW I like this!" and hoping and praying that I get to keep it because I also remember how much it hurt to lose it the last time.

A social life..WOW

Please Goddess, let me keep it this time. Please?

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