Being Awake Is Wonderful

I continue to feel much better, more awake, more *there* rather than just hanging around. I still have off days where I just don't feel like doing much, but they are nowhere near as frequent as they were (daily), and the sense of not caring doesn't last as long.

I am slowly working on getting back to running my house again. Keeping it cleaner, paying bills on time, doctor appointments as needed, keeping up with the laundry, etc. etc. All the things I was doing regularly a year ago. All things that lost any semblance of a routine as my depression deepened and intensified. Because of my back I have to take it slow which is more difficult because I want to get things done now, not later. This isn't to say that my house is filthy, my bills are all late or anything because I did do things when I had to, or when the clutter (there are 5 of us living here [we were 6 until 2 weeks ago when DD moved out] including a 2 yr old) got to be too much for me. But its not as clean as it could be, which makes it harder for DH to relax after a bad day at work because he comes home and sees the things that need to be done and rather than relaxing, he finds himself making mental "to do" lists. So now that I am feeling so much better and I want to reach my goal I continued to do chores today. All the laundry is done! Woo hoo!, checkbook is balanced (to the penny! YAY), hung up all of DH's work clothes as they came out of the dryer (so they won't get all wrinkly), did a full vacuuming on the living room. DH moved the furniture and I vacuumed. When my pain hit a 6.5 and I had that painful heavy stone in my lower back and both SI joints, I stopped and let DH fnish.

I took it a little easier today than yesterday because my pain level was up. A side affect to doing more is the pain goes up.But rather than sit around, watching tv and doing nothing (or reading my books in bed, I did a few chores to keep the momentum up.

I am awake right now because it started raining, which raised my pain level and I just couldn't get comfortable enough to fall asleep. I need to be up at 6AM, so when it hit 3AM and I was still awake, I decided to just stay up (even though now I am finally sleepy LOL) because if I sleep now I won't get up to my alarm. My sister-in-law has an appointment at 6:30AM today. Since they can't take Bridgette with them, someone needs to be awake in case she wakes up while they are gone. I volunteered to do that, so here I am LOL

Ron (DH) was telling me earlier today how happy he is to see me feeling so good again. Because the depression caused changes in my behavior to occur over a period of time, people around me adjusted to those changes as they occurred. So, like me, they also did not realize just how bad I had become. Ron was telling me that looking back on the last year the depressive symptoms are quite obvious, specially when he compares how I behaved then with how I am acting now. He says he is really glad that I am feeling so much better and that he loves it when I am happy. I teased him (of course) and said he was just glad that my sex drive had returned. He replied with "You'll be the death of me" and I said, at least you'll go out wih a smile and we both laughed. This made me realize that we are enjoying each others company the way we used to. Lots of sarcastic jokes, lots of cuddles, more talking with each other and all that stuff.