Well I am definitely paying for the date on Sunday. The pain Sunday night was horrible and centered in my lower back (where the degenerated disk and herniated disk are), so that everytime I moved sharp pain shot through my whole lower back, pelvis, and up into the middle of my back. Not fun. This kept me up all night Sunday.
I managed to get 4 hours of sleep during the day Monday and when I woke up I felt okay. I could move without the shooting pains so I came into the living room to read email and blogs. Then I ate dinner at the dinner table. Apparently these were not good things to do because around 6PM last night my pain started going up and those shooting pains came back. I was up all night again because I just couldn't stay comfortable in any position long enough to actually sleep.
So today is a bed day, no chores or anything, in the hopes that a day of complete rest for my back will stop the symptoms I am having.
Despite all this pain, muscle spasms, and decreased mobility, I still think going out to dinner and raiding the book store was worth it.
While being awake last night I got the itch to write and these "poems" are what came out.
Reality...more terrifying than fiction
pain..consumes you
swallows you whole
fills your days and nights
so even in a crowd
always alone
no one truly understands
suffering brings isolation
alone, in the dark
no company
save pain
gnawing at the softest parts
eating your heart and soul
killing compassion
destroying strength
alone
to suffer in the dark
tiny
hurting
tortured
afraid
Reality
not fiction
cold hard truth
icy empty cell
trapped in a body betrayed
In pain.
(needs quite a bit of work I think, but it made me feel better to write it)
And one more. (you can skip it if you want LOL)
Once Upon A Time...
hopeful introduction
stories thru all time
Cinderella, Snow White, Peter Pan et. al
fantasy for fun
dreams spun from a few words
Innocence looks to the future
expecting happily ever after
desiring...needing...wanting
every emotion felt by man
Reality steps in
fractures the fantasy
destroys happily ever after
Life...a constant struggle
to survive...to thrive
Hidden traps...ensnare
body..betrays
Happily Ever After
destroyed
Reality of pain
fills the void.
(not sure I like either one, but they helped me feel a little better and stop the pity party for one I was having at 4AM this morning)
OK off to bed for the day. Oh fun! (NOT!)
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Love Green!
7 years ago
WOW! I LOVE the first part especially! You hit the nail on the head in the expression through poetic writing; of the reality called Chronic Pain. Or maybe just those of us in this special 'club', (that someone else must have signed me up for), really spot and understand the true meaning behind your words.
ReplyDeleteI followed your blog, and am thankful for your visit to mine so I could discover such beautiful, honest writing. Odd, I just wrote some poetry to get off the constant work on my Memoir.
Today was pain when eyes open day--pain when standing up day--pain when bending, leaning, holding, washing, stepping, walking day. Slight pain relief from meds day. The kind of day I am so thankful I do not have to work. I can't imagine feeling safe in the shower. Spine is so unstable. And that;s been today. Not waaaa, just honesty--my middle name!! ;-D
Gentle Hugs....<3
Thank you Shauna, I really appreciate the feedback and am sorry to hear your day was such a bad one. I do hope tomorrow and the rest of the week are better for you!
ReplyDelete