Laughter is the best medicine

My back pain has continued to be pretty high these past two weeks and the cold (or whatever it is) has returned. I woke up this morning with a lot of back pain to find that my ears were blocked again, my sinuses are congested and I just feel achy all over.

Yesterday I did dishes and then lay down to take a nap. I was hurting when I finished the dishes and figured I would sleep for only an hour or two. It was 2:30pm when I lay down. I was very shocked when I woke up to find out it was 11:30pm! Ron said he tried to wake me up but I kept asking him to let me sleep, so he did. He figured I needed the rest because I had been struggling with insomnia for the last two weeks. Between being sick and increased back pain my sleeping schedule was all screwed up. Since I woke up at 11:30pm I figured I would be up all night, but by 4AM I was ready to go back to sleep, which I did and I slept until 11 AM or so. Thanks to the cold coming back I spent most of the day feeling sleepy despite all the sleep I had gotten.

The last two weeks have also seen a comeback of my depression. I know it was mostly because my pain is higher than usual and I was sick on top of it, so I couldn't get much done. I recognized that I was feeling down and apathetic again pretty quickly. I see that as a good thing because the quicker I recognize it, the quicker I can do something about it. It was because of my recognizing my down mood that I made myself do the dishes yesterday, take a shower today, stitch today, and do some general picking up around the house. I also focused on playing with my niece, son and sister-in-law. We all sat on the living room floor and played with Bridgette's new ball (it is a very large blue ball). I remembered an old game from when I was a kid and started singing "The magic ball, goes round and round etc. etc." and turned a simple game of catch into a game of magic ball. Bridgette loves music and she had a blast. After that we did the hokey pokey, the chicken dance, and played London Bridge and duck duck goose. The four of us were laughing the whole time and just having a blast! It was a lot of fun! I had to stop after duck duck goose as my back was really unhappy, but I don't care about the pain. The shower, stitching by myself, stitching with Bridgette, then playing games with Bridgette, Kyle, and Stephanie were all very much worth the increase in pain. I feel more emotionally and mentally awake and happy than I have for the last 2 weeks. Feeling this way is definitely worth my pain being at a 9. While we were playing and laughing I didn't notice the pain as much either. Laughter really is the best medicine! It can lift your mood, brighten the whole day, and decrease pain by releasing endorphins and adrenaline into the blood stream.

Depression is difficult because even with the medication's help, I still need to consciously fight it. I have to repeatedly pull myself out of the "blah" hole I find myself in occasionally. The Pristiq is still helping me a great deal, but like chronic pain, depression has its ups and downs.  With the medicine though, it is easier for me to pull myself out of a funk. It is also easier for me to notice those times when I get down.

Most of what was going through my head was how many things I used to do on a regular basis, that I can no longer do. These thoughts start a vicious cycle in my head that causes me to feel overwhelmed, useless, and erases my desire to do anything at all. I really hate having to constantly fight depression and pain just to function on a daily basis. It gets frustrating. But I will continue to fight it because if I don't, then I will have let myself down and let the pain & depression win. They are not allowed to win!

I may not be able to do as many things as I used to do, but that doesn't mean I am useless, worthless, or anything like that. I am still me. I am still a good person and there are a lot of things in my life that are good. To let the two bad things take over would be unfair to myself and those who love me. So I will keep fighting. I will keep doing my best to live my life the best I can.

Well Bridgette has gone to bed so that means I can go to bed and stitch some more, YAY! Talk to you all later!