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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Screw The Pain

Today I decided to say "F*** the pain!" and do some chores anyway. I emptied trash (bathroom, laundry room, kitchen, and bedroom), cleaned the litter boxes (6 cats dontcha know LOL), put away a box of my biological mother's journals, cleared a shelf in the hallway closet and put our extra blankets on them to get them out of the laundry room, picked up the books off the floor on my side of the bed and took a one hour nap. I still feel really tired, which is not surprising since I haven't been sleeping well. I keep waking up every hour or two, then I'm up for anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour before going back to sleep only to wake up an hour or two later. I've been doing this every night for the past couple of weeks. It is really getting annoying and causing me to feel tired all the time. Eventually I will hit a point where I sleep for 8 or more hours from pure exhaustion. I'm just hoping that when that finally happens, it will happen at night. In an attempt to try to make it happen at night (instead of during the day) and thus help straighten out my sleeping schedule, I am refusing to lay down even though I am sleepy. When I finish this entry I'm going to go work on the Christmas Dreams cross stitch. Because it is on 14 count Aida fabric, with large blocks of one color, it is easier to stitch when I am tired, hurting, or both (like tonight).

Right now my pain is at a 7 with sciatica going down my left leg, deep throbbing in the broken joint and a sharp pain at the top of the joint on both sides and my lower back. But my mood is real good, which is nice. I got some stuff done today, including taking my son a doctor appointment. Having that feeling of accomplishment (no matter how minor the tasks were) feels great and I am enjoying it.

Ron and I have been doing something daily that we don't do often. Not the he doesn't want to do it often, but I usually don't because of what I went through when I lived in Arizona. I used to love to cuddle up, laying my head on my partner's shoulder and just cuddle. I used to love to fall asleep that way, though I couldn't stay asleep that way for long because it gets too warm. But I learned to not want to cuddle like that anymore after being repeatedly told that it was smothering, overly needy etc. So I've been working on trying not to smother that desire and to act on it when it shows up. As time has gone on the desire to cuddle like that shows up more often and I no longer worry that Ron will resent it or me which is really nice. So we've been cuddling a lot the last few days and it just feels wonderful! Last night we were cuddling and I fell asleep. Sadly I was on my left side, which is not a good way for me to lay down and is partly why the SI joint hurts so much today. So tonight he will lay on my side of the bed so I can cuddle up while laying on my right side and I am really looking forward to it!

Ron brought home watermelon so we've all been eating it. Bridgette loves to sit on my lap and help me eat my fruit (fwoot as she says it lol). She will eat a piece herself, then spear me one with the fork and feed me. She'll even tell me I'm doing a good job and that it is yummy for my tummy, basically repeating what we say to her. It is so very cute and so very sweet!

Well that's it for my day, so I'm going to go stitch for a bit. See you all later!


  1. Hi Missy... lol, thats my family nickname! Was Missy as a child, now its Miss, tho my real name is Liana. (sadly the Miss has stuck all my life). I can relate to depression, as I have bipolar, and suffer from mainly depressive episodes. And have nursed alot of patients with chronic pain issues too. Anyway, reading your blog, you sound pleased with yourself getting a few things done. Thats great, no matter how small, like you say. Same thing applies when I'm in depressed mode. It feels good and a sense of achievement doing just one chore/activity. :)

  2. I'm really glad things are getting better and super happy that you and Ron are hanging out together more often! :) I miss you guys lots and can't wait to talk to you soon!


Thank you for taking the time to read and/or comment on my blog. For people who are chronically ill and/or in constant pain, it can be difficult to socialize as frequently as we would like to do so. Talking with others online is a way for us to socialize, chat with others, make new friends, reach out to others in similar circumstances and many more positive effects.

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