The injuries to my back and pelvis affect my mobility and what I can physically do or not do. They affect every aspect of my life from my relationships, to my moods, to doing simple chores, to dealing with stress, and everything in between.
Right now I am struggling (and failing) to overcome the depression that has become so much worse over the last year. I find myself having no desire to do anything or go anywhere. This is not good and I have to accept that my anti-depressent medication has stopped working. Until today I did not want to accept that and refused to even think about it. I get so tired of having medical issues all the time. I just want it all to go away! But, it won't, and the time has come to get off my ass and deal with it rather than continue trying to hide from it. So when I see my doctor again on Tuesday I am going to request a change in my medicine and hope it helps.
I will be using this blog in many different ways.
- Motivation to get on a schedule and stick with it
- A place to vent my feelings
- A release for all the thoughts and emotions that run through my head all the time
- A way to reach out and connect with others in a similar situation to mine
I will write whatever comes to my mind on this blog so be forwarned, cursing will occur, as will adult topics such as how chronic pain affects my libido; this is why I listed it as adult content. I'm not going to post porn or anything like that, but I may post about how fear of increased pain and deep depression have caused me to lose desire for sex and even fear it if that happens to be the topic that is bothering me.
I hope to use this blog as a way of helping me get into a schedule, to motivate me back into some kind of a real life, rather than just existing and vegging all the time. I miss going places, doing things, being active, taking care of things..all things I have stopped doing because my pain levels got so bad and went improperly treated for so long. I'm going to start off real slow. It may seem silly to others but its not silly to me. I am going to start out trying to do the following every day
- do laundry (at least 2 loads washed, dried and folded)
- take niece for a walk or play outside for a little while
I want my life back.