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Thursday, August 5, 2010

Choosing Not To Work...Excuse me?!?

Someone said to me that they find it very unfair that people who "choose not to work, like you did, get services when people who need them can't get them because they have a job". I have not responded to this email yet because I am angry and very hurt by this. The only services I receive is social security and it is nowhere near enough for me to live on my own.

I did not CHOOSE not to work, injury chose me. At the time my back first blew out, I was working full-time and had just been accepted to pharmacy school to become a pharmacist. I was so excited because I wanted to be a pharmacist so badly and I loved my job so much. I did not choose to have a disc in my lower back herniate and press on the sciatic nerve root at L4-5. Nor did I choose to have a crappy doctor refuse to test for a herniated disc (or anything else for that matter) and force me into an exercise machine that caused the disc to first rupture (easy way to explain that is: it exploded) embedding pieces of it in the sciatic nerve root, then herniate again hiding the rupture.At the time I was on an HMO and needed approval to change doctors, and my insurance company refused to let me change doctors, leaving me with no choice but to deal with that crappy doctor who caused more damage to my back.

I don't know anyone who would choose to have permanent nerve damage to their lower back, complicated by an additional herniated disk (L5-S1) and the permanent compound fracture of my left sacroiliac joint. I guess you could say I chose the damage to my pelvis because I chose to have children. Since I chose to have children, and it was having those children that damaged my pelvis so badly, an argument can be made that I chose that particular injury. But saying I had a choice implies that I KNEW the injury was possible (or in my case, probable) when I had no idea that such injuries could occur. I love my children more than anything, but I can say this much I would not have chosen to have them if I had known that doing so would cause so much damage to my body. Not because of the pain and mobility issues, but because of how those same children have suffered as a result of having a disabled mother. I would rather not have them have to live the way they have, watching me suffer and not getting the same physical things other kids get. I see other parents taking their kids to ball games, the zoo, running around with them, or riding bikes and I feel guilty because I can't do those things with my kids. It seems unfair to me that my children got a mother who can't play tag with them, or chase after them to teach them to ride a bike, or play ball with them in the back yard. My children love me, and I love them, but I also know they have had to deal with disappointments because of my back and pelvis that are not fair to them.

OK I'm down to wanting to curse and I'll stop.


  1. Well, holy helling crap, and you've have to excuse my language, but who in the name of blue f**k emailed you and poured all that shit on your shoulders?

    What a load of absolute effing twoddle.

    I can't believe this: people who "choose not to work, like you did, get services when people who need them can't get them because they have a job".

    How far is the sick up this person's ass? People who CANNOT work due to illness and injury, have every damn right to any services available to them, financial or otherwise. It's the people who fake the shit out of being ill or injured and still get services regardless that are in the wrong where the benefits system is concerned. Hell, it's the same over here in the UK. People exploit the system because they can, and people with genuine problems, like you Raven, take the fall for it. People who WORK shouldn't frigging need benefits etc unless they're in a prolonged state of time off work due to illness etc.. Your system over there in the US is very different to ours here, but the premise is the same. I know you have to get insurance, and I'm sure that like over here you can get insurance to help you incase you are off work for long periods of time to help with the cost of living. You pay your health insurance, we have the NHS, but still, long term illness resulting in loss of income - and we get help. In most cases.

    I can't believe someone has been so ignorant and arrogant as to assume that you're faking and actually chose to be sick. I also can't believe that because of that, this person thinks that you're practially sponging off society when all you get is social security, and you should be getting so much more to help you (IMO)

    I wouldn't even give this person the courtesy of a return email. If they'd bothered to find out about your life properly, and not been so arrogant as to assume, they would never have corresponded with you in such a manner. Things like this really piss me off.

    Also, I have to say, as a mother, I can understand why you say would not choose to have children had you known you would get ill, due to the impact of it on THEIR lives, but please, believe me, you've done and will continue to be the best mum in the world because you're you, so don't get youself on a downer because you feel they deserve better. That way lies misery, trust me on that. And you don't deserve misery.

    Ignore the twat who sent this crap. Love your Ron (who sounds great)and your kids, and forget about idiots like this clusterf**k who obviously knows so little about you and your life, that they don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out.

    Urgh. I know I've written to excess and vehemently, but it just really gets my goat.

    Love, hugs and prayers your way hon,


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  3. Es,

    Thank you. :)

    The system over here is a bit different as it varies by state. In many areas you can not get state insurance if you have a job at all, even if that job doesn't offer insurance or pays very little money. Race is a big part of getting services in this country as well. When I was pregnant with my daughter and went to apply for state insurance (called Medicaid and this was in Massachusetts) I was told "you're white, get a job" and kicked out of the office. By the time I finally got insurance I was 8 months pregnant and had not had any of the tests that are typical for a pregnancy because of that racial bias.

    I can't agree with the statement "if they are working they shouldn't need services" because not every job pays enough to support a family. But I can agree that there are many people who do not really need services, that are getting them through fraud and that makes it more difficult for someone like me (who really needs them) to get them.

    I've done the whole misery thing about my children. You are right, it really is misery in that direction. I've gotten better at not feeling that I have somehow failed my kids, but occasionally the thoughts and the guilt do pop up.

    I won't be replying to this person, specially since it is someone who should know better. Apparently this person doesn't see how chronic pain can be severe enough to make working impossible. I hope they never come to fully understand it because no one deserves to be in pain all the time. But I wouldn't be too upset if they got to live it for a month or two as it would open their eyes (mind and heart also).

    I currently get insurance two ways. 1 through my husband, and two (thanks to a law passed a few years ago) I have to pay for medicare (federal insurance, for social security recipients). I am very grateful for the insurance I get from Ron because without it we'd be bankrupt with the cost share of medicaid for my doctor's visits and medications. Thanks to his insurance our share of cost is very low and since my medications would be almost 2 thousand dollars a month, that is a very good thing!

    Thank you Es, I really appreciate your belief in me, your concern, and your support. It really does help!


  4. That should say "How far is the stick up this person's ass?" by the way, obviously my spelling suffers when I'm in rant mode :)

  5. In hindsight, I agree that me saying "if they are working they shouldn't need services" was a little harsh on my part.

    Unfortunately, wages often don't give people enough to live on and those people should be supported in any way possible. Over here, and unfortunately far too often, those in high paid employment do still get benefits to which I don't personally think they should be entitled, but of course, those who need help, genuinely, I think should receive it.

    I think it's awful that you didn't get the help you needed while you were pregnant because of race - I had no idea that that sort of thing happened - that's an eye opener, and it's appalling.

  6. oopss..that last paragraph should say "medicare for my doctor's visits..." not medicaid. They are different. Medicaid is from the state you live in, Medicare is from the federal government. I always thought they should not have given them such similar names LOL

  7. That's Ok Es, my spelling suffers when I'm in rant mode too LOL

    Yeah it is sad that race still is a deciding factor in some things, it just shouldn't be. The only place race should matter is in medical issues in so far as some diseases affect different races more often than other races. That, seems to me anyway, the only place it should matter anywhere else is should NOT matter at all. Sadly the human race hasn't come that far yet.

    What made that whole experience with medicaid when I was pregnant worse was while I was in the office they handed a 400 dollar emergency aid check to a woman. She was dressed in fur, leather, and more gold jewelry than I have ever seen outside of a jewelry store. She was not speaking English. When I left the office she is standing outside with her friend laughing and bragging about how easy it is for someone of her race to get benefits (speaking perfect English). I went home in tears because I couldn't get 2 dollars to buy a gallon of milk and was pregnant and had to go through miles of red tape just to be denied, yet this woman walked in and within an hour walked out with a check she didn't even need!

    This has not changed. Though I will say that Florida is not that bad and seems to actually follow the rules (base decision on income etc. not race).

    It really is sad.

  8. My Love...

    I know the truth of the matter...and so do you. Can almost feel sorry for the depth of that fools ignorance, but not quite....

    Love you


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