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Saturday, January 2, 2010

Year In Review

Due to my back and pelvis I don't do a whole lot like go to the movies, an amusement park or things of that nature. But despite that 2009 just flew by! The best, most challenging, difficult, rewarding and wonderful part of the entire year was having my niece in the house. At least 5 times every day she made me laugh with her antics. She did something that made me a bit sad as well, mostly because I remember my son doing the same thing at her age (2 years) and it made me remember just how my disabilities have negatively impacted his life. Anyway, there was a day a few months ago where I tripped and ended up on the floor. I didn't fall thankfully, but I knew my legs were giving out so I lowered myself holding on to the chair to save myself from falling. (Would have fallen into the chair but I was behind it and knew walking was out of the question!) Bridgette got scared and started to cry but she stopped real fast when I told her I was ok. She said "Ok!" then grabbed my hand and pulled "Ahma! Bed!". When I was able to get up, she actually led me to bed and told me to get in, which I did. She then covered me with the blanket and said "night night ok?". She was so cute and so serious I tried not to laugh and I thanked her with a hug and a kiss. It was just so cute! Having her here has been wonderful! I've always loved children and did want to have more than 2, but my body can't handle it. I am so grateful that I get to share her life and watch her grow, discover, and learn. Watch her play, laugh, and mimic what we do. It is wonderful!

Homeschooling Kyle again this year hasn't gone as well as I had hoped. Mostly because my back makes things like field trips very difficult. I am determined to make things a bit more fun for him when we start up again after the Christmas break. I am very proud of Kyle, he has done very well. I especially love it when something I am teaching him fires his imagination to the point that when he gets on the computer, instead of playing a game he starts looking for more information on that topic! He then tells me all the new things he has read and how it has made him think of things in a different way. I love it when his curiosity blooms like that! He still hates math but loves science and sometimes he likes history as well.

My daughter Sam has had her ups and downs this year. Learning that she will live with chronic pain for the rest of her life, was very hard on her. Of course this caused her to have many worries and concerns, but she has handled them very well. I am so proud of her! She did not revert to her old behaviors for dealing with stress (violence, verbal abuse, cutting), instead she used all the tools she has learned over the years and dealt with it all very well. She has a boyfriend now, who is just wonderful! He treats her very well and sees her for the person she is, not for her pain. I am so happy for her and I hope the relationship continues as it is wonderful to see her so happy.

DH and I had our ups and downs this past year as well. More ups than downs though, which I really like. He continues to be very supportive, loving, and understanding towards me. He has been very supportive in my bid to overcome the depression that ate me alive for most of the year as well as in my bid to get off my butt more often and do more around here. I am very blessed to have finally found a man like him and I love him so much.

For me this past year has been a struggle mentally, emotionally and physically. Fighting depression is becoming harder for me. Once I get back into the "do nothing" mode because of pain, it is very hard to recognize it and then pull myself out of it. My desire to stitch disappeared for most of the year, though it has woken up the last few days and I started stitching a Joan Elliott design last night (hopefully will have WIP pics for my stitching blog tomorrow). I have worked very hard to get back to cooking for my family, cleaning the house and running errands. I'm not where I want to be, but I have made a start and that makes me feel good. The hardest thing is not beating myself up too badly when I fail or backslide a little bit. Being depressed doesn't help with the pain as it makes it seem so much worse than it really is. It lowers my pain tolerance level and causes insomnia. My pain has been okay over this last year. Not my best year, but not my worst either. Hopefully as I continue to move around, I will get stronger and in return that strength will help me control my pain and even lower it a bit. I know some of my pain is caused by weak muscles that hurt when I use them, not just the broken joint etc.

I'm hoping that I can continue my progress for 2010!

My goals are to continue to do stuff around the house daily, stitch for at least an hour a day, work a bit harder to make home-schooling more fun for Kyle, and continue to fight the depression. I also hope to successfuly quit smoking but I'm not going to promise that one. LOL

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Thank you for taking the time to read and/or comment on my blog. For people who are chronically ill and/or in constant pain, it can be difficult to socialize as frequently as we would like to do so. Talking with others online is a way for us to socialize, chat with others, make new friends, reach out to others in similar circumstances and many more positive effects.

Knowing that someone has read my posts and commented on it, helps in many ways. The biggest two being that it helps ease the feeling of being "alone" and that no one could possibly understand. Secondly, it reminds us that others truly do care and that just feels wonderful!!

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and/or comment on my blog, it really does mean a great deal to me and is helpful too!