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Thursday, February 2, 2012

A good loss of pride

My eldest niece has come to live with us. She is 17 and a wonderful girl. Last night we needed to go to the store because she needed some clothes for school that meet the uniform based dress code. I'm not sure why but when she mentioned it something in me jumped up and seemed to yell "I WANT TO GO TO THE STORE!". This surprised me because I have not wanted to go to the store in a while since walking around really hurts. Also I have refused to use the little electric scooter type carts in the stores. The idea of using one made me feel embarrassed, humiliated, and afraid everyone would be looking at me. I know these are stupid reasons for not using an item that is meant to help my mobility and thus retain (or regain) some of my independence. Ron said I could go to the store but I had to promise to use one of the electric scooters and I agreed.

On the way to Wal Mart I was nervous and felt a bit defeated, but I was also so happy to be out of the house for something other than a doctor's appointment or procedure. So when we got to the store I chose a scooter and sat down. I read the directions and was happy to see how easy this thing would be to use.

This is not exactly like the one I used but very very close. Anyway, I used the scooter and at first I felt a bit embarrassed but I was surprised to find that it passed quickly. It was replaced with this wonderful feeling of freedom and happiness! I was shopping and could zip around the entire store without all that severe pain I now get when I walk or stand for more than 3 to 5 minutes! I was ecstatic! Heather and I got quite a few laughs out of it as well. They take a bit of getting used to for things like turning and backing up. I kept backing up on accident, or hitting a rack when I turned. At one point I accidentally pushed the end cap of one aisle out from where it was supposed to be. Heather put it back for me. I was a little embarrassed when I did that, but mostly I laughed at my mistakes and just enjoyed being able to go all over the store without hurting myself.

It was fantastic! Getting a taste of the freedom and independence I could have if I owned a scooter erased all my stupid reasons for not trying to get one before. Those reasons all boiled down to pride. Now I want a scooter, so I am going to find out how to go about getting one. Either a scooter or an electric wheelchair, something so I can have my independence back a little.

I am very proud of myself for finally trying the scooter. I also feel really stupid for not trying it sooner!

Here's hoping I can get one.

1 comment:

  1. I am so glad that I saw your blog. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I avoided using the scooters for a long time and avoided stores because it was too hard to walk. I actually just purchased a scooter and it is being delivered tomorrow. I am really embarassed about using it at work on Monday but I have a VERY long hallway to walk down to get to my desk and again at the end of the day to go home. I wish that I was more excited to have it and less upset about what people are going to think. I am excited to use it this weekend to take my son someplace that he has been wanting to go but Monday......?


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