New Poems

I'm not sure how good this is, but I got bit by the need to write about 10 minutes ago (it is 9:01 AM, 1/22/13). So I opened a word document and started. After a bit of tweaking this is what came out. I am very pleased because this is how I used to write. Get that feeling of "needing" to write, right now..no waiting. Grab paper and a pen/pencil/whatever and just let the words come. When I had written enough for that feeling to go away I would then look over what I wrote and edit things. Sometimes it was an essay that came out, other times a poem (or multiple poems)..they just tended to pop into my head all ready to go, all I had to do was write them down. I doubt I follow any "rules" of poetry, but that doesn't seem to be the point. The point seems to be to try and put my emotions into prose as accurately as I can. 

I've been struggling for the last 12 years to be able to write the way I used to. It is finally starting to come back. That status I posted the other day about pain taking bites out of those who suffer from it, was written because the need popped up. I've had the need pop up more in the last couple weeks than it had in the last 12 years. Anyway, this isn't perfect but I do like it, so I thought I'd share it. This came about because I have been asked how/why I would willingly allow apathy and depression to take over, why I would give up and just dissociate. This seems to be how my mind wants to answer those questions for right now. Another thought that keeps popping up is that, in part, it is a rest period. A time for me to just stop fighting and allow my batteries to recharge, so to speak. It takes a great deal of energy and effort, conscious effort (both mental and emotional), to push through the pain and try to live some semblance of a life. It takes a lot more effort than many people realize, want to believe, or even consider. Sadly only those who also live with constant pain/illness seem to truly understand it fully. So I'm guessing that this poem/prose/whatever you want to call it, is an attempt to help people understand, or to at least help them try to understand. 

Darkness Brings Relief

Author: M. Hull (Jan. 22, 2013)

Into the darkness my heart has fallen

                Feelings forgotten

                                body ignored

Nothing penetrates the blackness surrounding

                floating lost in the void

Neither emotional nor physical pain can reach

                deep into the darkness

                Inky depths that protect so sweet

Apathy wraps gentle wings about me

     pulling me in with whispers of peaceful serenity

                promises of relief

Snuggling in deeply

                an escape desperately sought

                a coldness quickly wrought

                yet the heart and soul care not

For the darkness  

brings relief to a desperate soul

Immune to the cold which surrounds me

Chilling self and those around me

Creating an icy boundary

few dare to cross

Leaving me to comfortably wallow

                free floating

                at peace

Deep within the darkness

 the darkness which brings relief

Ignorant of the blackness about me

Unaware of life’s buzz without me

Floating in quiet solitude

Dissociated from the world

mind and soul freed from the hell

the hell of my own flesh

With silken cords does the darkness bind me

                a willing captive

                a slave to darkness’s relief

END

Not too bad I don't think. I'm just glad to start having that need to write that has been apart of my life since I was a kid finally coming back. 

P.S.: To remmy and Sterling This one is for you two for helping me find a way to get my writing back. Thank you both so very much for your ideas, they really did make a major difference! and, as always For Ron, my soul mate and biggest supporter. Thank you for everything you've given to and done for me!

Below are a couple other poems/prose that came to me. This one is definitely not done, but when I got that far my mind jumped to a different direction/wording and I moved to that. It seems to have worked much better because that poem is pretty much complete, just needs a final edit, but I'm going to post it anyway.

Through trial and error

And life altering mistakes

I hoped, dreamed and prayed

That some day

Some day

I would find the one whom I sought

The one  completes me

Making me whole

As his love filled my soul

END

The second one, which popped up so fast and urgently that it overrode the

first one completely LOL It's not done, but I'm so sleepy I can't figure out

where it needs changed LOL

With each day I lived through

continuing to breathe

I tempted the fates

To deny what I need

Mistakes in my past

errors in judgment

Love which didn't last

as I wept silent tears

the holes in my heart and soul

ached and cried out

loneliness vast

Through bruises, tears, hurt and pain

through trials, errors, and things full of shame knocking me to my knees

again and again I fought on, seeking that one

Yet something within me refused to quit

I couldn't give ground, give up or give in

From the ashes I rose again

I fought on

Stronger than before

Determined to win

seeking that one

that could fulfill me from within

Then the day came that I opened my door

You stood on the stoop with a smile

Our eyes locked and our nerve endings

all at once ..cried out that w be together at once

As my heart filled with desire

My soul rose ever higher

        

A quick second or two

That lasted forever

As our hearts grew together

and our souls entwined

And I  knew at once, my dream

                was realized

Just a fleeting second in time

Every fiber of my being screamed together

letting me know you must..always...

             be mine

Despite obstacles barring our way

We held on until that fateful day

when at last, the two became one

As we lay together, limbs intertwined

Our souls touched each other

filling the holes in our hearts

With a love for all time

END