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Tuesday, April 19, 2011


I've been real busy coordinating a yard sale to raise funds for my DS's best friend Matt, who was badly burned on March 13. For the last 6 weeks or so I have been putting up posters, putting out donation jars, and picking up donations of items for the yard sale. We held the yard sale this weekend and instead of just 1 day, we had to run it for two days because we ended up with so much stuff! We had to use a large u-haul truck and a storage unit for the items we were given. Then on Saturday, the day of the sale, people dropped more stuff off and basically doubled what we already had. By the end of the day Saturday, we realized we did not have enough space to pack what was left back into the truck. So DH spent the night in the parking lot and we ran the sale Sunday as well. We did manage to sell quite a bit of the stuff, but the total earned wasn't as high as I was hoping for. Matt's family was very grateful though. DH, DD, DSIL, and DS were all great helps and did a wonderful job! I am so very proud of them! I just wish I could have done more than I did and taken more of the actual "doing" on my shoulders like I wanted to.

My pain has been pretty high these last few weeks. Partly due to stress (I am sure) and partly due to the fact that it has been 7 months since the first Radio Frequency procedures (lower back ones) and its starting to wear off, which means the pain in my lower back is ramping up again.

I've been feeling very down lately, specially since it has become blatantly obvious to me that I can no longer do things that need to be done and just push through the pain to do them. This has greatly saddened me. 

So basically I'm in a funk..hurting more, struggling with feeling useless, struggling with fears for my future, struggling with feeling like a failure etc. etc. So no stitching lately, hence no blogging. 

I am sorry for my lack of updates, lack of stitching and lack of motivation. 

This really sucks! I hate feeling this way but I don't know how to make it stop. 

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Killing Myself

Ohman I am in so much pain right now and I don't see an end in sight.

I spent yesterday, a couple hours anyway, packing up the remainders after an estate sale. said remainders were donated to my yard sale. The yard sale is to benefit my son's best friend Matt who was badly burned ( in the hopes of raising money to help with the medical bills which currently stand at $80,000 and this is just the beginning.

We had a bunch of stuff that was donated earlier sitting in our den. We had to sort it and repack it in boxes that would close. This took us 4 hours to do. Box of  Christmas stuff, craft stuff, clothes, shoes, toys etc. We have loads of stuff for the yard sale, I just hope it all sells (or at least most of it).

Tomorrow I have to hopefully finish packing the estate sale house up. I don't know where I'm going to get the strength to do it. Today was supposed to be a rest day in preparation for tomorrow. With a broken pelvis, nerve damage, and a bad lower back I have to be careful and space out doing things like this. Instead DH wanted to sort the stuff in the den. I realize he didn't think it would be so much work, but I knew it would be. I don't blame him, nor am I upset with him because I knew it needed to be done. I also knew that doing this would hurt me quite a bit. But now I am worried that I won't be able to finish packing up that house tomorrow  and after how nasty the lady was about it yesterday, I want to get it all done tomorrow and not have to come back again.

I'm stuck in bed and probably will be most of the week after finishing tomorrow, if I can.