Changes and Getting Stuff Done

As I have mentioned before my brother, Brian, lives with me along with his fiance, Stephanie, and their daughter Bridgette. Brian's eldest child moved in about 5 days or so ago. She is 17 and her name is Heather. She is a sweet, cute, lovable, intelligent person. I'm not sure why but since she arrived I have had more energy to do things than I've had lately. I've spent more time in the living room in the past couple days than I have in months. I've greatly enjoyed talking with her as well. Maybe this response in me is a result of having someone new in the house, which brings new energy. I had a similar response when Stephanie and Bridgette moved in 4 years ago, then again when Brian arrived.

I've been battling with my depression and the apathy it causes for a while now. Both got worse after the yard sale I ran in April 2011 because my pain got a lot worse. It is so hard to struggle against depression and the apathy it causes. It takes a great deal of energy and most of the time I just don't have that energy. I just can't summon the energy. Even worse, I can't summon enough emotion to actually care to do anything. I know this just makes things worse. I know that part of fighting depression is to choose to do things even when you don't want to because medication is not always enough to remove depression.

Well for the last 5 days or so it has been a bit easier to actually feel the desire to fight back and to do things. So I took advantage of it. Yesterday I went through the piles of mail that was sitting on my night stand and some on the desk in my room. Since I pay my bills online, I tend not to open the ones that have the same payment amount every month (Mortgage, car payment etc.). Since I now keep the payment information, including the confirmation numbers on the computer in word documents, I no longer write on the bill itself like I used to. (paid, date, amount, check #) So all the papers were piled up waiting to be filed. I went through all of that, filed every thing, then put all the stuff for 2011 into large manila envelopes ready for storage. I did some cleaning in my bedroom and some in the living room, including cleaning the interior of my desktop computer. I also did our taxes for the year.

Last night was a rough night, very stressful. I did not sleep well, kept waking up from pain. I also spent a few hours talking with Heather to help her deal with things that were bothering her as well as her own depression symptoms.

Today the weather is doing the "waiting to rain" thing. The sky is completely cloud covered, it is very cool and the air smells like rain.

As a result of those three things (doing stuff, stress, lack of sleep), my pain is very very high today. I've been sitting at a 9 all day. About 20 minutes ago my younger niece Bridgette stepped on my toes (one of which is infected and hurts) causing me to lose my balance and fall. As a result my pain is now rising and I am headed for a pain crisis. I took my breakthrough meds in the hope that it will keep me at a 9 and thus avoid the pain crisis, but I'm not sure it will work. It rarely works when it is a fall that causes my pain to go up, specially if I fall on my hip or buttocks as that causes intense jarring of the bones in my pelvis that are broken. Broken bones do not like being jerked around LOL

Despite the higher pain level, I still feel pretty good mentally. I felt very accomplished and proud of myself yesterday, and despite today being a very bad pain day, I still feel satisfied, proud, and like I accomplished something. Those are good feelings. :)

Another thing that made me feel really good today was a package that came in the mail. I ordered a Nightmare Before Christmas hoodie for Heather. Kind of a "welcome home" gift. She is really happy with it and it made me feel good to know she likes it.

OK I have to lay down. sitting is just hurting far too much.

I'm hoping that I can continue to find the energy to fight back, especially against the apathy.

Re-enactment of First Appointmet with Pain Management

I made a little video of what often occurs when a chronic pain patient goes to their first appointment with pain management. This video is based on both my personal experience, and my recent research/reading into chronic pain.

Chronic pain patients are required to sign contracts with their pain management physician. Many of the stipulations in these contracts remove the patient's rights to privacy of their medical information as well as removing the constitutional rights that require law enforcement to obtain a warrant (meaning need to show probable cause to get such a warrant) in order to get the medical record. These contracts also often contain false information regarding what is drug seeking behavior, physical dependence, and tolerance to pain medication. Also they rely upon presumptive testing that is widely known to be inaccurate in order to deny treatment. Basically these contracts are set up in such a way that every chronic pain patient will eventually violate some part of the contract and lose treatment. Depression is NOT drug seeking behavior, it is a common occurrence with ANY chronic illness, not just chronic pain.

To learn more, including information about the so-called studies that the DEA rely upon to call prescription drug abuse an "epidemic" when the numbers don't support it. To learn more about chronic pain, contracts, and more:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/04/06/963719/-Chronic-Pain-Patients-Lose-Their-Rights
http://pain-topics.org/ for updates on studies http://updates.pain-topics.org/

To learn more about Richard Paey, an example of the unfair investigation procedures and prosecution on chronic pain patients see here:
http://www.november.org/thewall/cases/paey-r/paey-r.html

National Pain Awareness Month?

I had not heard of this before but apparently September is "National Pain Awareness Month". It shares the month with "National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month". It does not surprise me that they combine the two into the same month, specially since the misinformed information they give out about opiod drugs, chronic pain patients and prescription drug abuse are heavily heavily skewed towards addiction.

Why aren't support groups such as American Pain Society and others, using this designation for the month of September to educate the public about chronic pain? Especially since, depending on which study you believe, there are anywhere from 50 million to 114 million Americans suffering with chronic pain.

Maybe those of us who suffer from chronic pain and also blog or participate in support forums (email groups, posting boards etc.) should spread the word and during September try to educate others through blog posts and facebook "notes" etc. about the reality of chronic pain.